what am i doing here

Updated: Nov 28, 2021

even i live now since more than 1 year on s.v. liliput, today i had another of this moments. this kind of moment i ask myself: what the heck am i doing here!?

in december 2018 elena & i decided that liveaboard will be the theme & title of our next, 2nd together life chapter. so much crazy & unimaginable happened since then and the way to be able to sit on this beach where i went today with guliver by kayak for a walk and some other necessary dog needs was long, difficult and never any smooth.

as i am sitting here in the shadow of a tree at this tiny litte beach of koh *tarutao watching excited guliver walking happy sniffing around, my little yellow kayak in the contrast with the green water and white liliput behind, outside in the bay on anchor in even more contrast to the dark emerald green colour of the water in this, by jungle totally surrounded bay i realize, i still didn`t get the full dimension of my current lifestyle. (*tarutao comes from a malay word for old, mysterious and primitive - an apt description for this densely forested, former penal colony where in 1938, the thai government incarcerate 500 political prisoners as it was fairly remote and infested with crocodiles. it is the largest of the 51-island national park archipelago which was declared in 1972 to thailand's 1st national park)

i live now on the water which is actually not my natural habitat. in theory, i have access to more than 70% water-covered areas of this beautiful planet and can go to places, most people will never be able to reach. my home is subject to the powerful forces of nature and every storm, if i oversight it coming and do not bring liliput to a protected place in time, could destroy our home and bring me and my family in serious danger.

5 people on a 100 meter beach are already 5 to much for me as i am used to have my private one now where i can do what and how i want it and every day i can go to a new one, actually a few other ones as most of the hundreds of islands in only a 1 day sailing range have much more than one, mostly even more than 10 nice picture postcard beaches with white powder sand, surrounded by scenic rock and jungle formations.

i never liked noise and thailand is the most noisy place i`ve ever been. the noise of the traffic vehicles on the streets either on the water goes totally thru you. you can not imagine how loud some motorbikes are tuned or the sound of a local longtail-boat fishermen use when the exhaust is just a 20 cm pipe simply welded to a very old car engine. even more i enjoy the total silence of a deserted bay even the sounds of the jungle, when we anchor close to shore is sometimes quite loud but on a totally other way and to me more impressing and relaxing than disturbing.

when we are back in civilisation, from time to time for provisioning we always looking forward to go to tasty local restaurants or spend a afternoon working at a cozy coffee place and enjoy a good cappuccino and a home made cake but after a while, the hectic and negative vibe of nowadays society drifts us away and we are happy that we have a save place to escape before we got infected with all of this negativity, frustration and pessimism.

the sailing community we met so far is a bunch of very fun & interesting minds. many come and go as they are on a tight time & money budget and need to achieve their goals and circumstance the word within the prescribed parameters. „what is your planned route?“ „which counties you`ve already been and where are you going next?“ many crossing sailors often ask us. to be honest: we have no plan!

what we had was 8 month time (until the end of the rental contract of the house we use to live in) to find liliput and get it ready to move on. we found and bought it in 6 and did a full refit in 2 - all without any experience and help. we moved on it at 1st of september 2019 and learned and worked another few months every minute hard to get all the priority 1 things and important parts of our business plan asap done. as it has costs us everything physical and mentally and even caused us a 5 digit dept to not have to give up, actually we are quite happy to enjoy the sailing cruising lifestyle a little bit as a reward and be able to spend our time for priority 2 projects. when the covid circus imprisoned us in march of this year for 4 months on one of our favorite islands we actually were quite happy to chill and relax after months of permanent work and fighting to make our dream come true.

many sailors we know complain and see there circumstancing plan heavily endangered as they can not leave thailand now, since 8 months already as all of the surrounded countries have there boarders still closed. we whereas are quite grateful having no visa run stress since more than 8 months now due to visa amnesty.

thailand at the moment is empty (tourists), clean (waters) and calm (except monsoon) like not in many years before and we have all the world famous, usually totally overcrowded places (like koh phi phi islands) for us alone. top of the world dive spots are abandoned and we absolutely prefer the travellers on the road at the moment in the country instead of only western luxury focussed mass- & party tourists.

many restaurants, bars and coffee-places are closed at the moment and many business owners are quite worried about there future but the few who are still in the game totally changed their mindset and found back to service and quality to get and keep the rare traveller who usually stay much longer around than the hectic come&go mass tourists. also some businesses already had to give up completely. sad for them but again good for us as we were able to make some nice bargains (diving tanks, boat spare parts & even 2 kayaks)

even we are quite far away from the current melting pots of western civilizations and try to keep away the negative world news as good as possible, in touch with a few friends we still notice what`s going on at the moment in the whole wide world and can feel the global populations future- and existential fears. we live in crazy times and in my opinion: this is just the beginning!

maybe i did not totally realize so far what am i doing here and maybe its gonna took me another few months or years to realize what am i actually doing here but i definitely know one thing already: there is no other place or lifestyle i rather wanna be. the beginning of the next chapter is far away and elena, guliver & i gonna go on to add as much as possible fantastic stories to this one..!!

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